Tuesday, 28 May 2013

Who am I?

I am your ‘funny’ friend. I am your ‘crazy’ girlfriend. I am the attention seeker. I am the anecdote teller. I am the clown at the party. I am the centre of the crowd. I am the epitome of panic. Anxiety is my shadow. I am the worrier. I am the over-exaggerator. I am awake at this odd hour. I am the sporadic weeper. I am the best sex you ever had. I am hungry for you. I am the obsessor. I am the starter of a plethora of projects. I am the inventor. I am the creator. I over indulge. I eat everything. I drink too much. I am on a life long trip of guilt. I am your exciting new crush. I am your adventurous new lover. I am the one. I am the risk taker. I am the impulsive spender. I am addicted. I have another idea for a novel. I have another idea for a business. I am the best lunch date you have ever had. I am generous. I am wacky! I am hilarious! I am exceedingly intelligent. I am the boaster. I am unable to come out today. I am unable to see you this week. My curtains are drawn. I am tired. I am shy. I am not answering your calls. I can not write. I can’t do my job today. I need to quit my job. I need to change my career. It is all your fault. You make me feel like shit. If you showed me more attention I wouldn’t have to be like this. I am getting rid of you. Our relationship is boring. I don’t want to have sex with you. I need excitement in my life. Life is dull, dark... desolate. I am not eating anything. I have given up the drink. I didn’t finish that project. I only did one chapter of that novel. The sun is shining but I can not go out. A storm has come that I must stand in. I want a fight. I am your ‘crazy’ girlfriend. I am your absent friend. I saw you looking at her! I do not want your attention. Don’t look at me. I am the muller over-er. I am still thinking about our fight ten years on. Dear employer, I will one day let you down. I am the best employee you have ever had. I am a people pleaser. I would rather quit than have an awkward conversation. I will flee in the night. My eyes will wonder. My head is busy. I chose you on a whim. I booked that holiday without thinking. I left on an impulse. I can’t say no. I speak at 100 miles per hour. I think faster than my fingers can type. I have so many things to say. I am the extreme. I am continually squashed up against the polar opposite sides of utter ecstasy and extreme hopelessness. I am the secret keeper. I have nothing to say. You do not know my insides. No one knows who I am. The truth is hidden. I am internally noisy. This week I have taken up floristry, photography and a man called John*. I am unbelievably excited. I am unbelievably bored. I am calmer. I am coping. I am a catastrophe. I am the perfectionist. I’m on the table in the restaurant you wish you were on. If you knew who I was you would be astounded. I am the last person you would think was depressed. I am anonymous. 

I have Bipolar disorder. I am continually tackling the (bipolar) bear.

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